


Without You

by FreyaVenus



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, shadowhunters 2x18 continuation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:59:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreyaVenus/pseuds/FreyaVenus
Summary: Picks up right after 2x18. Magnus and Alec deal with their feelings.





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> How I think Magnus and Alec would have dealt with their emotions right after.

“Lake Lyn is the Mortal Mirror,” Clary exclaimed. Jace immediately stood up straight. 

“There’s a book in the library about the Lake, it’s handwritten by the Silent Brothers. We should check it out,” he said as he looked at everyone in the room. 

Alec nodded. “See if you can find anything useful.”

“I’ll join you,” Clary volunteered as Jace was about to leave the room. “Two sets of eyes are better than one.”

Izzy smiled at her from her perch. 

“You should go get some rest. It’s been an exhausting day,” Alec said to Izzy as he sat behind his desk and started sorting papers.

When his sister did not move or reply he was forced to look at her. She looked confused and he suddenly felt self-conscious. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“Are you okay?” she asked him instead. 

He should have known really. Trying to hide something from Isabelle was usually pretty difficult but now when he could feel the broken pieces of his heart in his chest, it would be impossible. 

“I’m fine,” he lied futilely. 

“Alec?”

Alec sighed. He did not want to lie to his sister but he also did not know what to say. He was feeling very overwhelmed. Between what happened to Max today and the discovery that Jonathan was hiding right under their noses all this while, Alec felt like he was about to break. 

He failed his family by allowing Max to get hurt and he failed at his duties as the head of the Institute by not recognising Sebastian as Jonathan. He was wary of the man but instead of acting on it he allowed him to join the team and because of that Max nearly died. Alec wanted nothing more than to go home to Magnus and allow his warlock to soothe him.

Alec felt a lump grow in his throat at the thought of Magnus. He was the best thing in his life and his incompetence chased him away. He kept making mistake after mistake and Magnus being so kind and loving kept forgiving him. This was clearly the last straw for him and Alec could not blame him. He was a terrible boyfriend. 

“Alec?” Izzy called him forcing him out of his thoughts. 

“It’s been a long day Iz, I’m just tired,” he tried again. 

“I know tired and that’s not it,” she said quietly. 

He looked at her open expression. She was giving him a chance to share his sorrows and he desperately wanted to but he could not find the words. 

“Magnus,” he said in lieu of an explanation. 

“Is he still angry about the Soul Sword?” she asked. 

“He was angry because I lied to him. I never should have but I thought I was making the right decision as a leader,” he said. 

“He was here today, when you needed him Alec. He might be angry now but I’m sure he’ll forgive you soon and-“

“Izzy stop,” he begged. “He won’t and now it doesn’t really matter anymore. He told me that he had to choose between me and his people.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means he’s going to do what’s right as the High Warlock of Brooklyn and to do that he cannot be with me,” Alec explained as his voice cracked towards the end. 

He took a deep breath to calm down but he could feel the lump in his throat growing. 

“You guys broke up because he chose work over you?” she asked with sympathy on her face. 

“He chose right. He has a duty to his people,” he defended.

“What about you?”

Alec closed his eyes and massaged the side of his head. “We were never meant to be, we defied the odds by coming all this way, I guess,” he said sadly. 

“Alec, maybe he just needs some time to sort things out,” she said as she reached over to hold his hand. 

“Because of me he’s aligning the warlocks with the Seelie’s against Valentine.”

“But that doesn’t matter right? That is politics and what you have is so much more,” she said encouragingly. 

“I don’t know what’s right anymore,” he confessed. “I know I love him so much it hurts. Nothing else makes sense to me,” he said as he blinked back tears. 

“Oh Alec,” Izzy said as she pulled him into a tight hug. 

 

Magnus sat on his couch nursing a glass of whiskey. The blackened rose sat on the coffee table in front of him tauntingly. When he tried to return the rose to the Queen now that it had served her purpose she insisted he take it back with him. A reminder of the decisions he had made, she said. 

He felt alone, more alone than he had in a very long time. He had grown so used to having Alec around. There were little reminders of his presence all over his loft. His favourite mug which he swears makes coffee taste better, a change of clothes in the wardrobe and toiletries in the bathroom. These little reminders were enough to make Magnus want to curl up in bed and cry his eyes out. 

He wanted to scream at the unfairness of their situation. He wanted to rage against the Clave for being so irresponsible but most of all he simply wanted to be happy. He snickered at the thought, he was not made for happiness. Four hundred years of life had taught him that much. He drank the two fingers of whiskey in his glass in one gulp. With a snap of his fingers the glass was magically filled once again. He glanced at the clock and prepared himself for the worst. 

His doorbell rang minutes later and Magnus opened the magically.

“Magnus?” Luke called as he entered with Simon trailing behind him. 

Magnus sighed audibly. He did not have the energy to help Simon with his problems tonight. He greeted his guest with a superficial smile.

“Did you go back to the Seelie Queen’s court?” Luke asked when he spotted the blackened rose. 

“Yes, the warlocks will align themselves with the Seelie’s to ensure our survival,” Magnus confirmed. 

Magnus knew Luke disagreed but the latter simply nodded in acceptance. 

“The wolves will not,” he informed Magnus. 

“I thought as much. We all have to do what we think is best.”

“Agreed,” Luke affirmed as he moved towards the door, leaving a very confused Simon in his loft. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Magnus asked Luke just as he was about to leave. 

Luke raised his eyebrows at Magnus’ question in curiosity. 

Magnus gestured toward the vampire. 

“An entire person maybe?” he asked. 

“No, he actually had a favour to ask of you,” Luke said as he closed the door behind him. 

“Okay, go on. Ask,” Magnus prompted the lost looking vampire. 

“Oh yeah, can I stay here tonight? It’s just that last night this mundane was scratched and he transformed in my current temporary home so everything is a mess and I’m pretty sure there are holes in my ceiling but I can tell this is a bad time, so I’m just going to go find a park bench to sleep on,” Simon rambled as he walked in the same direction as Luke had just moments ago. 

“You need a room for one night?” Magnus asked. 

“Yes.”

“Okay, that one,” Magnus said as he pointed to the room previously occupied by Jace. 

“Thank you,” Simon said with more gratitude than necessary.

Magnus watched the awkward vampire as he tried to decide between going to the room and staying put to keep Magnus company. Taking pity on him Magnus tells him to head to bed. 

“You should go now,” he said. “I’m afraid I will be terrible company tonight.”

“You know I feel like it’s those days when you need company the most.”

“Come have a seat then, but be prepared for long intervals of silence as I try to finish this bottle,” Magnus stated plainly as he pointed towards the bottle of whiskey. 

Simon sat down in front of him and eyed Magnus warily. 

“Do you want something to drink? Blood? Whiskey?” Magnus asked. 

“Um, actually blood sounds amazing,” Simon said uncertainly and with a flick of his hand a pint of blood appeared in front of Simon. 

He smiled widely at Magnus. “Thank you.”

Magnus simply waved his hand instead of replying. 

The silence between the two men did not last very long. 

“So, when is Alec coming home?” Simon asked. “I’m only asking because I know he hates me for some reason and I think it would be best if he does not see me. I feel like if there’s one person who could actually glare daggers and kill someone it would be him. I mean no offence, you clearly like the guy but still I think it would be good of me to know.”

Magnus chuckled without humour. “He’s not.”

“Oh okay. That’s good. Wait, no. Is it good?” he asked.

“No it’s not good.” Magnus said as he drank more whiskey. 

Simon watched Magnus closely. Something was definitely wrong with him today. 

“I know it’s none of my business but are you okay?” Simon asked carefully.

For a moment Magnus wanted to wave his concern away, assure him that everything was perfect and get on with his latest mission of the night, emptying that bottle but at the very last minute decided not to. 

“I’m not. We could be going to war soon and many people could die or Valentine could kill us all in this very moment.”

Simon laughed nervously. “Isn’t that like an average day for the Downworlders?”

“Living in fear is not living,” Magnus said gravely. 

“Is that why you’re drinking today? The political state of the Downworld?”

“No.”

“So what’s the matter then?”

“I miss Alexander,” he whispered. 

Simon was surprised by Magnus’ admission. 

“Do you want to call him?” 

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is just how it has to be now. As a leader, I am duty bound to do what’s right for my people. They depend on me to ensure their safety and that is something I take very seriously.”

“I don’t understand, what does this have to do with Alec?”

“Everything. He has his duty and I have mine. They oppose each other.”

“But you care about him, right?”

“No, I’m in love with him.”

“What are you going to do now?” Simon asked. 

“Finish my whiskey.”

“No I meant about Alec.” Simon clarified. 

“I don’t know,” Magnus said as wisps of red magic left his hands. 

“What are you doing?” Simon asked at the sight of Magnus’ magic.

“Nothing. You have to excuse me now,” Magnus said in alarm as he grabbed the bottle and slammed his room door shut. 

 

Simon sat in silence until he heard the electric buzzing of magic. He quickly went into his room. 

He did not get much sleep through the night because of the loud noises on the other side of the door. When he woke up the next morning, the whole house looked like it had been hit by a tornado. 

He found Magnus in the kitchen sipping coffee. 

“I’m sorry about last night, I was a terrible host,” Magnus said. 

“No. Can I ask what happened?”

Magnus remained silent and Simon was sure he was not going to answer. As he was closing the door behind him he heard Magnus’ answer.

“Emotions.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate feedback!


End file.
